Can't Sleep? Here's What to Actually Do Tonight

You can't sleep. You've been lying here for a while now. You know you need rest, which somehow makes it harder. The clock says it's late, and you're fully, infuriatingly awake.

This happens to a lot of people. A 2024 survey by the CDC found that about 15% of U.S. adults have trouble falling asleep most days or every day, and roughly 18% have trouble staying asleep (CDC NHIS, 2024). Some nights have a clear cause; many do not.

Here is what to do right now, why it is happening, and what actually helps in the longer run.

Key takeaways

• Lying in bed trying to force sleep usually makes it harder. Reframe the goal as "rest" rather than "sleep," and take the pressure off.
• If you are still awake after about 15 to 20 minutes, sleep researchers recommend getting up and doing something calming in dim light until you feel genuinely sleepy.
• Slow, extended exhales (longer out than in) activate the parasympathetic system and lower the physiological arousal that keeps you up.
• Building a consistent wake time is the single habit with the most evidence behind it. Bedtime varies; wake time should not.
• If this has been going on for three months or more, cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) has a strong track record and is the first-line recommendation from sleep medicine organizations.

Why you can't sleep right now

Sleep has an on-switch and an off-switch. The on-switch is homeostatic sleep pressure, which builds the longer you have been awake. The off-switch is arousal: anything that tells your nervous system to stay alert.

When you can't sleep, arousal is winning. Common sources:

Cognitive arousal is the most common. Your brain is running through things: a conversation you replayed, something at work, something you forgot to do, nothing you can name. Racing thoughts raise cortisol and keep your heart rate up, which is the opposite of what sleep onset requires.

Conditioned wakefulness is what happens when your bed starts to feel like the place where you lie awake worrying, rather than the place where you sleep. Your brain learns the association. Every night you spend frustrated in bed reinforces it.

Timing problems happen when you try to sleep before your body is ready. Your circadian rhythm sets a window when sleep is most likely. Going to bed too early, sleeping in too late, or napping at the wrong time shifts that window, and you end up staring at the ceiling at midnight.

Physical and environmental factors include a room that is too warm (the body drops core temperature to initiate sleep), caffeine consumed too late in the day (the half-life is around 5-6 hours), or a phone screen used right before bed.

Most nights, it is some combination of these. You do not need to diagnose which one before you can start helping.

What to do right now, in bed

Stop trying to fall asleep

This sounds backwards, but it works. The harder you try to sleep, the more you signal to your brain that this moment requires effort, which is arousal. Instead, give yourself permission to just rest. You are lying still, your eyes are closed, your body is recovering. Sleep may come. That is fine. It also may not come for a while. That is also fine.

Some sleep therapists call this "paradoxical intention": when you stop treating sleep as the goal, the mental pressure dissolves, and sleep becomes more likely.

Slow your exhale down

Breathe in normally, then let the exhale out slowly, making it longer than the inhale. Try four seconds in, six to eight seconds out. You do not need a technique or a timer; just let the exhale be noticeably longer.

This activates the parasympathetic system. Your heart rate slows. Your body gets the signal that there is no emergency here.

Do a body scan

Start at the top of your head and slowly move your attention downward through your body, noticing how each part feels without trying to change it. Shoulders, jaw, hands, lower back. The point is not relaxation, exactly; it is giving your mind one narrow thing to do instead of ranging over everything.

Run a boring mental scene

Pick something calm and slow to narrate in your head. A walk you know well. Sorting something. A familiar room. Make it purposefully dull. Your job is not to fall asleep; it is to tell yourself this quiet, nothing-happening story. Sleep often arrives partway through.

Do not look at the clock

Clock-watching activates exactly the mental process you are trying to quiet: How much time do I have left? What time is it? How much worse will tomorrow be? Turn the display away or cover it. Looking will not help.

When to get out of bed

If you have been awake for around 15 to 20 minutes without feeling like sleep is getting closer, sleep researchers recommend getting out of bed. This is called stimulus control, and it has the strongest evidence base of any behavioral insomnia treatment, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

The logic is simple: your bed should be associated with sleep, not with wakefulness. Every hour you spend frustrated in bed teaches your brain the wrong thing.

Go somewhere else in your home, keep the lights dim, and do something calm: read a physical book, do some light stretching, or sit quietly. Avoid your phone. Come back to bed when you feel genuinely sleepy, not just tired.

This feels counterintuitive the first time. It also works.

Offloading a busy mind before sleep

On nights when your head is genuinely full, getting out of bed to do something quiet is only half of it. The other half is giving the thoughts somewhere to go.

Writing helps. Not a to-do list for tomorrow (that can amplify urgency), but a brief, honest account of what is on your mind: what happened today, what is sitting with you, what you are turning over. The act of writing it down signals to the brain that it has been registered and can let go.

If writing feels like too much effort at night, meow note lets you speak it instead. You say the thought out loud, it records it, and you can close your eyes knowing it is somewhere safe. For a broader look at this practice, see journaling for sleep.

What helps the night after this one

Tonight is about getting through. But if this is recurring, the habits that have the most evidence behind them are not supplements or gadgets.

Anchor your wake time. Pick a time to wake up and keep it every day, even after a bad night. This is the single most powerful lever in sleep medicine. A consistent wake time rebuilds the homeostatic sleep pressure that carries you to sleep the next night.

Stop lying in bed awake. The longer you spend in bed not sleeping, the more your brain associates your bed with wakefulness. Use your bed for sleep only, and get up if you have been awake for 15-20 minutes.

Create a wind-down period. The hour before bed should get progressively calmer. Dim the lights, step away from screens, and let your nervous system drop into lower gear. If you go from a bright screen to the pillow with no transition, your body has not had time to shift.

Watch caffeine timing. Caffeine stays in your system longer than most people expect. An afternoon coffee at three can still be affecting your alertness at bedtime. Experiment with moving your last cup earlier if falling asleep is consistently difficult.

These habits are the core of what CBT-I trains, and trials show CBT-I produces roughly a 50% reduction in insomnia symptoms, with effects that hold for up to two years after treatment (Muench et al., 2022).

For the specific scenario where you are lying awake for hours and nothing is working, see laying in bed for hours, can't sleep. If exhaustion and wakefulness are happening at the same time, see can't sleep but exhausted. And if a racing mind is the main issue, how to stop overthinking at night goes deeper on that specifically.

When to talk to someone

A bad night now and then is normal. But if you have been unable to sleep for three months or more, and it is affecting how you function during the day (mood, concentration, safety), that is worth bringing to a doctor or mental health professional.

CBT-I is the first-line treatment recommended by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine for chronic insomnia, and it has good evidence behind it. There are also digital CBT-I programs if access to a therapist is limited.

Persistent insomnia is not something you should just push through. It has effective, non-medication treatments.

Frequently asked questions

What should I do when I can't sleep at 3am?

Stop trying to force sleep. Slow your breathing (longer exhale than inhale), do a body scan, or narrate a calm mental scene. If you are still awake after 15 to 20 minutes, consider getting up and sitting somewhere quiet in dim light until you feel genuinely sleepy, then returning to bed.

Why can't I sleep even though I'm tired?

This is a sign that your arousal system is overriding your sleep pressure. Common causes include cognitive arousal (racing thoughts), stress-related cortisol elevation, a room that is too warm, caffeine still in your system, or conditioned wakefulness from too many nights lying in bed unable to sleep.

Does melatonin help when you can't sleep?

Melatonin is a timing signal, not a sedative. It works best for circadian rhythm shifts (jet lag, shift work) rather than for general sleep-onset difficulty. Speak with a doctor about dosage and timing before trying it regularly.

Is it OK to look at my phone if I can't sleep?

The light from a phone screen delays melatonin production and gives your brain stimulating content to process. Both make sleep less likely. If you get up, reach for a physical book, a notebook, or just sit quietly.

How many nights in a row is it normal to not sleep well?

Short streaks of bad sleep are common, especially during stressful periods. Most adults recover well from a few difficult nights. If sleep difficulties persist most nights for three months or more, with daytime impairment, that meets the threshold for chronic insomnia and is worth addressing with a professional.

Can't sleep due to anxiety. What helps?

Try writing down what is on your mind before bed, or speaking it out loud if writing feels like too much. Slow breathing and progressive muscle relaxation can lower physiological arousal in the short term. For anxiety-related sleep issues that are ongoing, see rush of anxiety when falling asleep or speak with a therapist who practices CBT-I.